Leaving Toxic People

 

Is it harder than it should be? Unfortunately, yes. Yes, it is. That doesn’t mean, however, it shouldn’t be done. It most defiantly should. It’s just that sometimes, situations can make it just a little bit harder. I come from an Asian family – trust me I’ve seen it all. Let’s talk about it.

Till this date, I don’t know why family members are the most toxic. They say ‘blood is thicker than water’ and though that’s true, it doesn’t mean anything. Words have meanings. Actions speak louder than words and walking away from those said actions is sometimes the only thing that saves you.

There’s not such thing as being ‘too ahead’ or ‘too behind’ in life. I’ve been stuck for so long that I’d be lying if I said sometimes seeing those people more accomplished my age. doesn’t get to me. It does. It’s human nature. What gets to me more is when my own family don’t think about it. That’s when you just think that no one has your back in this world, other than yourself. Especially when certain individuals get it handed it to them whilst you (i.e. ME VIVIAN) face so many rejections before getting to your destination. I’m a bubbly person that can talk for days however at home I’ve become a shell. There’s no point speaking where you aren’t respected, your opinions aren’t valued or your seem less only because of the struggle that comes with securing a job.

I’ll never forget the people or the time I went through. You can forgive without forgetting. You can heal without haven’t to walk through thorns again. You can survive alone without those people who you once thought you couldn’t live without. It’s life and life show’s you every colour whilst forcing you to feel every human emotion possible.

In my household there were 3 females (me, mum and my older sister) then in 2022 my SIL came along. Now let’s just say, Vivian is in the background and things are hidden from me. I’m outcasted in my own family so much so that I can comfortably say, I’ll probably find more commitment elsewhere. It’s always the closest that cause all the pain. It’s when they can’t meet your gaze due to the guilt but when tell themselves it’s fine. It's when they think due to a couple of mistakes, they can use a harsh tone with you. But they think it's fine because they can justify it. Silly me. NEWSFLASH: It’s not fine Karen. It was never fine. I’m just waiting for God to put me back together in front of those who tore me apart. Alas, that’s where my patience and determination are ironclad. One day, this blog will make it big.

Now, let me lighten this scene back up. Who is that one person who has always had your back no matter what? Easy. My dad. Unfortunately, people who come into my life always have a pattern. They’re great at the beginning, but once I’ve made their life easy, they only care about themselves. No one’s ever offered a helping hand to be or done something for me unless I had to remind them. I’ve always been the afterthought. Whereas I give a second thought to if my decisions would hurt someone, no one does that to me. My mum does it, sister, sister-in-law, aunties and cousins. Not my dad though. He always makes sure I’m as good as I can be. The only reason I refrain from telling him everything is because he will go to war for me. That's the last thing I need to be labelled as - a war-starter.

It's true when they say no man will ever love you like your dad. Dads are just a different force of nature. I love my mum just as much but she can be very insensitive at times. If there’s an altercation between me and the not so new newbie then my mum never takes what the newbie says with a pinch of salt. It’s always 100% my fault. I’ve never shied away from my mistakes or refused taking accountability for them. What does accountability mean? Taking ownership of the good and bad you do in life. If it’s good then great. If it’s bad, then you reflect and learn upon it. There’s no growth in being in denial. You say it once, twice and by the third time someone has got a head as big as their ego and that’s when Vivian slowly but surely backs away.

If I’m in its 110% and if I’m out then there’s never going back. This brings me to my current stage in life. My last post was about healing alongside the difficulties that come with it. This is about an element that leads to make that healing easier. I’m sure this isn’t my last time dealing with toxic people. Never assume it’s easy to leave them. 9 times out of 10 it’s not. Learning to navigate those emotions, situations and people will keep you afloat because if you don’t use it as motivation, then get prepared to drown in the depths of your own wallowing.

I rather work hard, build my value and respect back up alone rather than get it handed to me on a platter being forever hug up on the favors of others. Easier said than done.

Sigh. Honestly it can be so freeing to talk without having an annoying chirping voice talking back to you. Still want a therapist though. I’m never ruling that out.

Until my next heart to heart – which isn’t far – I’m off to finish the paper pages I started to read. Okay more like digital pages.

Vivian.

Don’t forget to keep reading, because as long as you do, it’s making a struggling authors day that much better. Reach for the starts of success.